Vladimir Rakhmanin | Chief Investigator Prime (Sponsored by Mountain Dew)
The College Board will be holding a meeting this tomorrow in order to vote on a radical rebranding of Trinity’s image. After the general population voiced displeasure over the latest design, new designers were brought on board in order to quickly address the issues voiced by the students. The University Times was in contact with the Southern Yemen-based design artistic collective “The Identity Gurus”, who have recently been involved with the rebranding of other high-profile organisations such as “Walter’s Computer Repair”, “Sorcha’s Smoothies” and “Maguires Luxury Chicken Fillet Rolls”.
The University Times managed to secure some of the planning documents from Mick McClew, the CEO of “The Identity Gurus”, which outline some of the key provisions of the re-branding initiative. We have provided some sample pages from the document below – these deal with the nature of the fonts chosen to lead the brand image, and the genesis of Triniphant, the official Trinity mascot.
We also had a chance to examine the style and design of the new logotype – from the notes by chief-designer Brody Mceezald in the official planning documents, the hot pink background represents the “the rich history of Trinity”, which juxtaposes against the new ‘Gang Unit’ crest, which symbolises the modernity of the University which “has become reborn, like a phoenix from the ashes”. The skull was later added because “it looked super badass”.
Top-secret ultra-confidential giga-private nano-covert turbo-underground Trinity official source was able to leak some extra information about the re-branding to The University Times. Anonymously, (s)he stated that “it’s definitely not about the ridiculous amounts of cash that we are going to squeeze out of the international students, who will inevitably immediately drop everything and take the first plane to Dublin in order to have a chance at experiencing the immense branding of our University first-hand. Honest. No, I really mean it. Stop e-mailing me.”
The University Times spoke with Chance Hutchinson, Chair of the Left-Wing Anti-Commercialisation and Christmas-Exam Promotion Society. Speaking on behalf of the College community, he stated that he was really angry and displeased with the outcome, as the rebranding will affect him personally in his everyday life. Of particular importance was the fact that he will have to edit and re-print several copies of his CV. He stressed the fact that in order to combat these “fascist measures” he said that he will speak negatively about the re-branding “to all his mates” and set up a Facebook page in order to impeach the Provost again. He also noted that he has alerted Trinity Security due to the fact that all three members of his society will be picketing the board meeting. The protest may or may not go ahead depending on weather conditions and timetable constraints of those involved.
Disclaimer: In case you haven’t realised, there is no truth to this. Happy April Fools day from The University Times.
