Sadhbh Byrne
pro·cras·ti·nate
[proh-kras-tuh-neyt]
–verb (used without object)
1. to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.
–verb (used with object)
2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.
While H.J. Potter may have welcomed with glee the arrival of several epistle-bearing owls; for less fortuitious students like myself, attendance of a more traditional institution brings not lists of requirements for Potions (feckin’ Snape) but a daily onslaught of mail of the electronic variety. Lamentably, it appears the ghostly purveyors of these missives refer us only to cryptic indecipherable concepts, of which a poor soul like myself has no chance of comprehension. Careers Advisory Service, Study Skills Workshops… what are these mystical entities you speak of?
Facebook - The scourge of even the most basic procrastinate
Lest one should forget, the sole purpose of our four years in the illustrious surroundings of The University of Dublin, Trinity College is to become well-versed in such academic pursuits as knowing the precise extent of entanglement of the web of scores between your classmates, the ability to recite the name and alcohol percentage of every €5 bottle of wine in Aldi, and having unquestionable knowledge of who’s heading to Palace on Thursday.
And so, what use have I; and indeed all other members of the great unwashed of our alma mater; with these workshops teaching me how to write an essay, how to plan my future career, how to plan a study schedule, how to colour code your notes, how to rule a margin, and other such essential skills when I’m already exceeding my potential in the one skill necessary to succeed in university, I’ll have you know. Ah yes, procrastination. Where’s the seminars for your common or garden student who simply wishes to procrastinate? Who wouldn’t prefer to dilly-dally, fritter, boodoggle (I kid you not), tarry, toddle, schlep along, or filibuster rather than trudge through the mire of academia? Even its synonyms sound fun.
Those long hours that seize the earth between morning and sunset can be much more appropriately filled with joyous activities such as eternally stumbling across the beautiful terrain that is the World Wide Web. StumbleUpon.com, oh saviour of mine. Why, I can recall the time when I once thought that taking notes in lectures was a more productive use of my time than trawling through gloriously excessive amounts of hidden gems, such as the Wikipedia page for “Dancing Mania”, a social phenomenon that occurred primarily in mainland Europe between the 14th and 17th centuries in case you were wondering.
I don’t see why lecturers should have a problem with half the lecture theatre engaging in a riotous war against the genius that is Sporcle, Inc. – they’re “mentally stimulating” diversions, the tagline told me so! So what if it takes me fifteen hours, I WILL correctly place all past U.S. presidents in order of length of last name. Yesterday one of my companions failed to accurately name all The Things Meat Loaf Won’t Do For Love. For shame, for shame.
And I beg you please, don’t get me started on BlogLovin’ or it’s specifically music-blog based chum, The Hype Machine; as less cosmopolitan individuals than myself might say, “oh lads”. The latter gem of a website lead me to such stupendously marvellous discoveries such as the infinitely enchanting track ‘Golden Mushroom’ by Beautiful Unicorn, only available onsite. Words defy me in the face of such mesmeric delicacy, but I shall be eternally grateful.
Alas comrades, however, I bear ill news – although I will never leave thee, Legion of Procrastinates, one of those very same electronic mails flew swiftly from the pen of the Examinations Office yesterday bringing untold foreboding enlightenment. The examinations are upon us, escorted by the stark realisation that, while my dawdling skills are honed to elite polished perfection, my knowledge of the cortical organisation of the visual brain is somewhat less than complete. Hello darkness, my old friend.
And so, I thought it best to tell you in person that myself and the 24 Hour Library are embarking on what’s looking like a burgeoning relationship of an extremely intimate nature. Drag those minds out of the gutter because you know that ho is entertaining the company of half this college, so my relationship status on Facebook won’t be changing just yet.
StayFocused, the saviour of many lost hours
Conveniently however, the internet appears to be extending a hand of apology for its hefty part in these fast-approaching fears of failure (hows that for alliteration). Google Chrome have added ‘StayFocusd’ to their extensions, a “productivity extension for Google Chrome that helps you stay focused on work by restricting the amount of time you can spend on time-wasting websites”. For Mac users, there is the ‘SelfControl’ application, which blocks access to your selected websites for a predetermined length of time, while still allowing you access to the rest of the web. As unfortunate as resorting to such measures may seem, at least I can say that I can now name all of Sporcle’s twenty Things That Might Cross Your Mind in under 2 minutes. It was worth it.
And yes, I did have an 2,500 word unstarted assignment imminently due while writing this article instead.
