Bronagh Feehan
Your dad; the omnipresent male figure in a girl’s life. It is a relationship akin to no other, sometimes tempestuous but always ardently caring. Whether your knees are bloodied or your heart is shattered your dad will be on hand with hugs. Undoubtedly he may not always employ the use of the myriad of cliches your mother or friends might in times of heartache or trouble, but when he does say something it is frequently the only advice you need to hear. Fundamentally it is a relationship which we all take for granted. It is a relationship which permeates much deeper than one might, at first, realise. Dad’s the one who’s always there, he’s the one who taught you how to drive, who taught you how to stand up for yourself, who taught you how to have belief in your capabilities. So what happens when you think your dad is in trouble.
It was last summer when the idyllic little world I inhabited as a nineteen year old girl was catapulted into chaos. As discussions with your parents go, it began in quite a mundane manner. I was eager to book a holiday with friends for later that summer. Perhaps it was the fear and emptiness in my parents eyes that told me something was about to alter my plans. Multifarious tears fled down my parents faces as my dad endeavored to explain prostate cancer to my sisters and I. In that moment there is nothing else. You are engulfed by the immense fear of losing your dad. People rallied round my family and helped in every way possible. The consistency of the phone calls and texts received told us that people understood. Cancer. A word saturated with ominous and universal fear. Everybody can comprehend it; a physical disease which is so fervently rampant and curbs us all to some degree. At some stage of our lives we all know we will encounter this volatile visitor in some manner.
However, over the recent years a new invader has emanated from the economic disarray we have found ourselves in. For years we fought with potent zeal for independence. For years we hoped our culture would survive invasion. For years we anticipated freedom. Freedom ensued and with that freedom, prosperity and success followed. We were unstoppable, unbeatable and we believed the good times would never end. The idyllic world that this wealth and prosperity concocted enthralled us. We became obsessed with money and its power. The pressure was quietly but arduously building for the bread-winners in every household. Our lavish lifestyles only became more and more lavish. There was no limit. People took risks. Some of these risks resulted in yet more wealth, others resulted in devastation. Embezzlement and gambling on stock markets were both rife. The pressure of maintaining a certain lifestyle had become too trenchant. The colossal losses that ensued ignited a treacherous flame of mental health issues, nervous breakdowns and, in some cases, suicides. Dad’s around the country were in trouble.
This time however, the illness was not as conspicuous. Understanding a mental health issue is overwhelmingly difficult if you have never experienced the lows that a person suffering with depression has, or the unremitting despair and lack of any glimmer of hope that abounds a person who is suicidal. It is undeniable that the families of those suffering from mental health illnesses are submerged in a circle of despair and the feeling that there is nobody who can understand is rife. It is not a physical disease sprung upon you by nature over which you have no control. It is much less straight forward than that. It is a disease which consumes your being, plights your self confidence and in many cases puts your physical well being in serious peril. The glaring reality of losing your job due to your illness and past mistakes only catapults those suffering into deeper depression. As cancer can riddle you physically, mental health illness riddles your mind. When you lose the identity you had from being in the workplace the detriment can be blatantly apparent in your self confidence and the effect of this is huge, especially on your relationships. The lack of understanding of mental health problems is a growing epidemic which needs to be addressed. Those suffering should not feel ashamed or afraid to speak out about their experiences and we as a nation must become more accepting and understanding. Losing your dad to a physical illness is no different to losing your dad to a mental health illness. They both have the same capability of turning your world upside down and changing the person in your life who you thought would forever be there.
