Clodagh Butler
Staff Writer
My close group of friends in college are all different in many ways. We all look very different, for one. We dress differently, think differently and have different interests. However, having all come from relatively similar backgrounds and having experienced similar upbringings, when it comes to our core morals and beliefs, we are generally all on the same wavelength. Which is why, when we had a recent discussion about our post-university prospects, I was shocked to discover that we didn’t all believe the same things to be important.
The big question was, as a 21st century woman, would you pack in the career, and all that goes with it, in order to become a housewife? We used the word housewife in a very broad sense, and it was not meant as a derogatory term in the slightest. The opinions were mixed, to say the least.
Personally, my view has always been that I had worked very hard to get into university, work significantly less hard to get through university and intend on working harder than ever before to prove myself if I ever make it out of university. A good career is important to me. As far as I was concerned, that should be the case for all of us students. Surely we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t feel that way? Not necessarily, I quickly learned.
We established that it all comes down to how you define ‘success.’ I’ve always associated success with a good job, some (or lots of) money, a nice house and a comfortable lifestyle. Perhaps this was me being narrow minded. There are few things I dislike more than being narrow minded. Some of the girls said that they see success as falling in love, getting married, having a family. This made me, a self confessed romance-phobe and cynic, want to vomit all over myself; what kind of girl needs a man to feel successful in life, and, if nothing else, MY GOD what kind of girl admits to that?! I was taken aback.
When we graduate, qualify, find our true calling (or at least settle for someone else’s and hope it pays well) we’ll hopefully step into a comfortable stride, and pick up a hasty pace. We’ll enter a world of challenges, promotions and late nights that we’ll give out about but wouldn’t change for the world because they give us a sense of self-importance. Despite sounding like a bit of a nightmare, those prospects excite me; I grew up thinking that working hard and doing well for yourself were of utmost importance. I get bored easily and thrive on new challenges. I’ve always wanted to do well for myself. Giving up what I viewed as a sense of identity and independence because a man came along seemed preposterous, after working so hard to achieve it.
Yet here they were, some of my closest friends, who I just assumed would share these views, admitting that they’d happily give up work to be a housewife. Not only would they be obliging, but they are actually excited about the prospect. Some of them would love nothing more than to keep the home, be a full time mum, cater to the family’s every need. They revel in the thought of cooking family meals, playfully nagging kids to clean up after themselves, mopping, washing, car-pooling and being a ‘soccer mom.’ Potential week day shopping while the kids are at school with their husband’s money; I couldn’t think of anything more degrading, or so I thought. I asked them would they not feel that their degree had been a waste, that they were losing independence and giving the man the upper hand. They didn’t feel that way at all. They saw the housewife role as the next step, a natural progression and a natural order to which we should happily succumb. Many girls I know have expressed their excitement at the prospect of catering to their family, having their husband support them financially and them supporting him emotionally in return. They’d love nothing more in life than to find ‘the one’ and dedicate all their energy to the family unit.
Packing it all in ten minutes into the career scene seemed ridiculous to me. However, when I thought about it, do any of us girls, even the most unromantic, independent, driven, ambitious and ball-busting of us all, like the idea of reaching mid- to late-thirty’s and being career obsessed, possibly cold and potentially alone because the career always came first? I’ll admit that I don’t fancy it! If it can be done comfortably financially, would I enter housewife territory with my degree in my back pocket? It’s certainly food for thought. For many, it’s a happy lifestyle; and with modern technology available, like Bissell’s best upright vacuum, the responsibilities that come with the role are made easier.
Doesn’t love have the potential to shake the foundations of your beliefs and rearrange your priorities? When we reach the settling down stage, the maternal instinct may well kick in and before we know it we’ll be throwing our degrees in the bin, deleting Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ from our Saturday night playlist and going shopping for aprons with the girls.
I don’t view becoming a housewife as a ‘waste’ or a ‘cop out’ anymore; it’s a choice. It might be the right one at a certain point in time. It might not be a permanent arrangement, but it could be. And it could be the best decision a girl ever makes. There’s always the option of obtaining the work/life balance, which is what I intend to do, but I’ve certainly rid myself of the disgust I once felt upon hearing that a girl wanted nothing more than to be a housewife. I often joke that I didn’t come to university to be successful; I came to meet men who were going to be successful. This was what I considered hilarious. In my eyes this concept was ridiculous! Now I believe that it’s not in any way weak, humiliating or lazy to give up work for your family, as I once thought. Maybe those women are not less ambitious than me; maybe I’m not as selfless, or as honest with myself, as they are?
