Photo: Robert Faris
Dairíne Bennett
This article originally appeared as a blogpost on TrinityLGBT.com
Five hundred and sixty. That’s the number of days it’s been since I first confessed to a friend of mine that I was having feelings for a girl. That’s less than two years. Add a couple of weeks on to that number, and that’s
when I began having those feelings. Compared with the 7937 days that I’ve been alive, 560 days is not that long an amount of time. I’m 21 and this gigantic crazy life-changing experience only happened when I was 20.
It is for this reason that even though I wanted to join QSoc this year and felt confident enough to do so, I still remained quite anxious about it. My late in life discovery, as I tend to see it as, made me think that perhaps I didn’t quite belong in the LGBTQ community as others did. What did I have in common with the first year who makes joining their LGBT college society a priority, when there I was in first and second year never having a reason to join myself? And who was I to hear stories of people coming out to their parents, when I hadn’t done so? When I still didn’t know what exactly I should even say to mine, what label to use? I didn’t share the common experiences of being bullied in school because of my sexuality. I’d never faced jeering or abuse when holding hands with or kissing someone of the same sex in public. I hadn’t been through a struggle with the outside world and honestly, I never went through an internal struggle either. So who was I to belong in this community?
Well, I was everything to belong there. To belong here. I became sure of that after the first QSoc event this Freshers’ Week that took place on the Monday night. And I was reassured with the next event, and the next
and the next. By Friday of that week, I felt more at home than I had in the longest time. If you are in QSoc, you’ll know that the assumptions I made just aren’t true, that there’s no such thing as someone not belonging there, and if you aren’t involved with QSoc, well I hope you can trust me when I tell you that they’re not. Nothing I thought about fitting in came even close to being true. As I’m coming to the end of my Final Year, I can’t help but reflect on these past four years at Trinity. Nostalgia is hitting me in a big way. I’ve met incredible people and I’ve had some truly amazing experiences since walking through Front Arch in September 2009. I’m not the same person that I was then. I’ve lived in four different places during my four years and none of them have been the home that Trinity has been. And QSoc… Qsoc has been a home also this past year. A home within a home. It is probably the best decision I’ve made and the best thing I’ve done for myself in these last four years.
168 days. That’s the number of days that I’ve been a member of Qsoc. I’m the happiest, most comfortable and most confident me than I’ve ever been and it’s all down to joining this society. Since joining I’ve come out to my parents (who were simply amazing!) and when I went through a really bad experience coming out to another family member, Qsoc was there for me. I’ve begun to dance in clubs which I’ve always hated doing and to generally just be content to be my very weird but at times wonderful self. I belonged. I belong. And really, absolutely everyone does.
When I sat down 560 days ago to email my friend and tell him that I wanted to kiss a girl, I wasn’t able to see very far into the future. To see relationships with girls, my family knowing, or even my Granny asking about
my girlfriend. (!!) But if I had worried about the future, that’s what I would have thought about. I never imagined and never foresaw that in getting ready to leave Trinity one of the hardest and saddest parts about leaving college would be leaving QSoc also.
I’ve met some the most inspiring and beautiful people I believe the world has to offer. I’ve laughed the hardest and smiled the widest. I’ll always treasure the year I spent in this society and I urge everyone who is
scared, anxious, shy, etc. to take a deep breath and just do it anyway. We’ve all been there and we all belong here.
My experience of QSoc has been this – it’s nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with who you are. Be who you are.
