Conor O’Donovan | Contributing Writer
As another year group enters their Sophister years, changes to their daily schedules have led to upheaval in their early evenings. The desire to go out and get “absolutely sophisticated” is still strong amongst the student body; the problem appears to hinge on the act of leaving the house.
Students are happy to attend ‘pres’ (can also be a verb, as in ‘Where are you pre-ing?’) with the friends they wish to speak to, but reluctant to go to a club, to meet people they don’t want to see. People have identified the prevalence of seminars over lectures and tutorials and increased preparatory work for said seminars as possible causes; the writer has observed a steady week on week increase in the amount of time which should have been spent in the library. The exact cause remains unclear.
Once a transitional measure for students, as drink prices continue to make building the hype prohibitive to those on a budget (even more so after the Budget), pre-drinking has taken an unprecedented shift to the fore. Those lucky enough to secure on-campus accommodation were initially inundated with requests for prinks but were soon supplanted by events in suburbs. In general, pre-drinks events are becoming more diffused with growing numbers attending more than one in an evening if there are enough nearby. However, even those who only make it to one are instantly 40% less likely to go out, with a 15% increase in inertia for each extra event they attend.
Recent statistics also show that fewer than one in five Junior Sophisters recognise more than five in nine people they see on the Couches in any given forty-minute interval. Many point to this alienating atmosphere in the search for causes (rumour has it the recent Arts Block fire drill was in fact a guerilla class reunion orchestrated by TSM Latin). While the above figures do not account for the fuzzy cubes on the upper floors of the Arts Block, isolation from their peers is a growing concern for new Sophisters. Friend groups have been hit hard by losses to Erasmus, unfortunate living arrangements, the realisation that people are quite strange as well as conflicting timetables. For those who have managed to stick together, one way to meet new recruits seems to be to prepare for a night out with them.
Widespread reluctance to host all-out house parties has done nothing to dissuade guests from refusing to leave. This newspaper understands the situation is compounded by people’s confusion over what is deemed acceptable in the resulting hybrid context. Much was made of the recent incident which saw several overzealous prinkers take to a kitchen island for want of a dance floor.
According to the host’s friend from Law, both parties conceded it came down to an “insensitively selected playlist.” Those hoping for romance must also contend with unprecedented obstacles. “We’re both really into each other, but it’s hard to be intimate in a kitchenette,” one such bemused prinker remarked. Another interviewee described how a similar situation fell through when their partner became overly aware of those Instagramming around them. For another unfortunate couple it came down to the fact that “neither of (them) were comfortable with how well lit it was.” It appears the right atmosphere is hard to come by with most interviewees agreeing one can only set the scene for so long.
Faced with these problems, others have prioritised keeping up with those they know. This has seen pre-drinking assume a more symbolic significance. “We weren’t sure if we were going to see each other again” was the consensus among a group of Sophisters taking questions on their decision to head to pre-drinks on Frederick Street at midday; “we all had class after, but a family pack of crackers and a demi-Vichy of San Pellegrino each and we were fine.” Many have expressed fears that this is setting a dangerous precedent amidst reports of a Junior Sophister who polished off three quarters of an “edgy” bottle of Drambuie over breakfast. It is understood they felt a night in Strangeways sometime that week was “definitely in the offing”, also adding they’d been making “these sort of shouts” since their days in preparatory school. Despite the confusion, it appears forgoing pre-drinks entirely does not sit well with the new Sophisters, this newspaper discovered. One such interviewee on the fifth floor of the Arts Block became defensive before admitting that “in phenomenological terms” passing out on their friend’s couch was equally problematic. The response was similarly negative over at the Museum Building where another Sophister likened pre-drinking several times in one evening to long shore drift “except without the word that rhymes with drift” in what UT believes to have an attempt at being coy. A group of students dining in The Buttery dodged the question by impersonating the Goulash.
The only conclusion to be drawn seems to be that the situation will get worse before it gets better. Students may well remain all hyped up with nowhere to go (that’s decent craic) for quite some time unless we take our habits in hand. For the time being rock up late, pour that can into a glass, take to the kitchen island and enjoy yourself because there is almost definitely no one in town.
All facts and quotes have been fabricated, obviously.
Illustration by Alicia Mitchell
