The rows of the Thomas Davis Theatre were filled this evening with students eagerly awaiting the introduction and eventual judgement of five fellow students. The annual Trinity Vincent de Paul (Trinity VDP) Take Me Out event saw 22 women armed with balloons that would be used to gauge the interest of each contestant. Hosted by Eamonn Redmond and Orla Caffrey, the night began with a video of the hosts and candidates to the tune of “It’s Raining Men”, setting the mood for the rest of the night. Redmond started with a quick rundown of the rules, which could be summed up as “no spoony, no balloony”.
Brian Lawlor, an Management Science and Information Systems Studies (MSISS) student, was the first “victim”, as Redmond put it. The interest was obviously apparent, as no one popped their balloon on first glance of Lawlor. The video interview went down less well, with half the balloons being popped, despite the positive reaction to the revelation that his Tinder bio is “I just fall in love so easily”. When asked why she popped her balloon, one of the women cited his use of the word “moist” as a safe word.
Once the questioning was over, Lawlor triggered one of the night’s buzz words by saying “love”. His punishment was that he had to go around the room and write who he wanted a date with on piece of paper, with the name to be revealed at the end of the show. In a shocking twist, it was later revealed that the name on the paper was in fact his co-host, Orla Caffrey.
The show then moved on to the talent section, which was “How to Tell If a Girl is Interested”, which received an immediate popped balloon. Listing a number of scenarios, ranging from “Netflix and Chill” to the downright ridiculous, of when a girl might be interested, Lawlor concluded that it was always a case of “can’t tell”. However, this strategy backfired a bit and resulted in more popped balloons. Four women remained, however, and he had to whittle it down to two. The final presented by Lawlor for the two remaining women was: “What costume would you make me?” Bjorn from ABBA was, unfortunately, not enough to win his heart.
Killian Carolan was the next contestant up, receiving raucous applause from the audience and ladies alike. The Wicklow native is also an MSISS student. In a different start to Lawlor, Carolan received a singular balloon pop based on first impressions. When asked to repeat his signature wink, Redmond tricked Carolan into giving a lap dance to anyone in the lecture theatre, which he decided to give to Redmond himself. The lap dance received a symphony of popping balloons. When asked about why the balloons were popped, one of the ladies criticised the quality of the dance.
The talent section saw Carolan prove the audience with an interpretive dance – leaving three balloons unpopped. However, this changed to two as a third claimed “she loves him like a brother”, a comment that resulted in winces and oohs from the crowd.
“If I were pasta a sauce, what would I be? Describe without naming the sauce” was the question Carolan posed to the two remaining ladies. One of the contestant’s answer was “last on the shelf can, but enough to keep you warm at night”, which resulted in another popped balloon.
The next contestant up was Peter Ó Maoileoin, a third-year history student, who immediately triggered another buzz word by saying “history”. As punishment, he was forced to dance in front of the entire lecture hall. The dance, however, was a “visual treat”, as Redmond put it, as Maoileoin river danced to a video from the 2004 Eurovision.
After the performance, one of the ladies was asked why she didn’t pop her balloon. She addressed Ó Maoileoin directly, saying: “I know we study together, but I think we have a future together.” This resulted in a lot of popped balloons and chant of “Get Derbhlá a date”.
After the massacre of balloons, only three were left, and up next was the talent section. Ó Maoileoin was handed a hula hoop, making the audience think he would hula hoop. However, this was not actually his talent. Rather, he claimed his talent as being a fantastic hula hoop teacher, a declaration that resulted in one of the organisers coming down to hula hoop to the iconic “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira. Redmond then took the reins, putting focus on seduction rather than performance. Unfortunately, the earlier chants were in vain, as Ó Maoileoin popped Derbhlá’s balloon, creating pandemonium among the audience and the hosts.
Bringing the two remaining ladies up, Ó Maoileoin asked the question: “Where would you take me on a date, anywhere and anytime in history?” However, after the question was asked, one of the final two, Eimear, claimed “I’m sorry, but Derbhlál and I come in a pair” and popped her balloon.
The next contestant up were brothers: Geoff and Jack Natin. The brothers’ buzz words were each of them saying the others name. The punishment was that they each had to tell an embarrassing story about the other one. Geoff’s story of Jack was the retelling of Jack’s unfortunate incident that included a packed commuter train and vomit. Surprisingly, none of the balloons popped, despite some of the pretty disgusting details. Jack’s story was significantly less embarrassing and included Geoff having to deal with Pearse St Station the morning after Trinity Ball. As the age difference between the two was revealed, the audience gasped upon learning that Jack was only 19. Yet, as they moved on to the talent section, none of the balloons had been popped.
The talent itself was a very good rendition of High School Musical’s “Breaking Free” – the only talent section performance of the night that received a standing ovation. However, balloons began to pop after. When asked why she popped her balloon, one stated that there might be “too much brotherly love, if you know what I mean”. Sticking with the rules, each contestant was given two girls to pick from. However, Jack had to pick the girls for Geoff and Geoff for Jack. The brothers asked a combined question of what type of filling would you have in a toastie. One of Geoff’s options popped her balloon in defeat after the other replied to the question with “Roses are red, the question I forgot, the real question is, how could you not?”. More simply, Jack chose cheese.
All in all, the night was full of raucous, inappropriate laughs and cheers. Audience members could sleep well knowing that their sick senses of humour raised money for the Trinity VDP. However, those that didn’t sleep well most likely went to the afters at Doyle’s in which, in Redmond’s words, they “were going to fuck shit up”.
