Yesterday evening, the University Philosophical Society (the Phil) hosted the UCD’s Literary and Historical Society (L&H) for the society’s annual Colours Debate. The Colours Debate typically features four of the Phil’s funniest and finest, and then whoever the L&H happens to throw their way. The two teams then argue in favour or against a ridiculously comedic motion, usually a motion set in Trinity’s favour. The motion this year was “This House Would Rather Spend Four Years in North Korea than UCD”. Meant purely in comedic terms, the motion promised a hilarious debate between Team Trinity and Team UCD.
The debate was the first chamber debate of the 333rd session of the Phil and also the first one chaired by the Phil’s President, Conn McCarrick. McCarrick introduced the members of each team and gave a warm and welcoming introduction to the freshers in attendance before giving the floor over to the first speaker.
Speaking first on the proposition side of the table was James Johnston. Johnston, a notoriously funny member of the Phil, started off with a proclamation that “ambition is something that North Korea possesses” and that such a thing is “not to be found in Belfield”. Johnston’s speech was full of hilarity and comparisons of UCD and North Korea, stating that North Korea offers an “authentic experience”, while UCD can offer not much more than a “depressingly average” life. In the remaining thirty seconds of his speech, Johnston summed up by encouraging the audience to attend the Phil’s Monday night event “New Year Party” because it’d “be better than anything North Korea or UCD has to offer”.
The second speaker, and the first on the opposition bench, Lig, pointed out how the debate was nothing more than an “obligatory roast” of UCD. Lig went on to point out the similarities between Trinity and North Korea and in the end concluded that there was “no wonder you’re so eager to run into North Korea, it’s the communist paradise you want”. Ending her speech, Lig wonders why all of the people in Trinity are from Dublin, and none from the countryside, hinting at discrimination and pointing out another similarity between Trinity and North Korea where people from the countryside are few and far between.
Next up on the Trinity Team was the Phil’s Registrar, Elizabeth MacBride. Being Registrar of the Phil calls for a great sense of humour and the funny gene, and MacBride definitely has those two things. MacBride began her speech by addressing that last point in Lig’s speech, that Trinity’s student population is made up from Dubliners, was offensive and incorrect by proclaiming that she’s actually from Kildare. Everything MacBride said was met with roaring laughter. The speech mainly took the tone of facetiousness as MacBride pointed out the flaws of herself and Trinity, but that none of those compared to UCD, which she considers to be “insidious and far far worse than Kim Jong Un’s totalitarian state”.
Shane Sweeney spoke next for UCD. He claimed there was conceitedness and narcissism amongst Trinity students, as MacBride had previously mentioned, and that Trinity isn’t as good as it seems and does not merit these personality traits. Sweeney continued to play on this joke as it seemed to have a good response from the crowd, and he went on to mock Trinity students for caring a little too much about “minorities” and “social issues”.
Irene Fuentes McDonnell carried on the argument of the proposition with the idea that UCD students are brainwashed into believing that they are superior, much like the people of North Korea. McDonnell’s speech failed to make any mention of why North Korea should be chosen over UCD, but she made funny contributions to the overall argument of the Trinity team by pointing out that the opposition were only arguing with them out of jealousy.
To begin her speech, Georgia Stynes proudly proclaimed that she “didn’t have Trinity on [her] CAO”. This proclamation was met with chants of “shame” from the audience, but Stynes continued on to criticize Trinity and point out the flaws of the GMB.
Sebastian Tozer began his speech by raising his beer to Kim Jong Il simply because “he’s a laugh”. Starting off on the right foot with a rapturous applause, Tozer went on to take a more serious note and award UCD the honour of being “okay” in his mind, except, that is, “if you do arts”. Tozer, a BESS student, criticised the different arts degree combinations available in UCD, joking that “it’s not a degree. We know it’s not a degree. Even you know it’s not a degree”. Summing up, Tozer explained that it’s “the same reason [he’d] go to North Korea over UCD is the same reason [he goes] to Trinity now” and that is that his degree is relevant, but he wouldn’t think the same thing if he attended UCD. Before taking his seat again, Tozer won laughter from the crowd once again for raising his drink to the Kim dynasty of North Korea.
By the time that the last UCD speaker, Cora Keegan, took to the podium, all the relevant points had already been addressed by the rest of the UCD team. Unfortunately for Keegan, the debate’s design planned for UCD to lose, and by the time she began her speech, the audience had already made up their minds.
The debate came to a close with the motion being thrown out to the floor, where it was quickly and easily decided that the motion had passed.
