In light of the outcome of today’s rape trial in Belfast, I want to urge readers to please be mindful of the fact that someone within their close circle of friends may have experienced sexual assault.
I have done my best to collect my thoughts in a manner that isn’t overrun by the bubbling mixture of anger, passion and nausea that erupted inside me when one of my guy friends posted the verdict of the trial into our Whatsapp group only for it to receive replies like “unreal” and “here here” from two of my male “lad” friends.
The purpose of this article isn’t to preach at the male gender nor is it to vilify my male friends who replied with those comments. I’m simply hoping to shed some light on the fact that, unfortunately, sexual assault is still rife and both men and women ought to be mindful with their words even amongst close friends today.
Although I am a very bubbly and open person, quite frankly there are very few people who know that I was drugged and raped before entering my third year of college. It happened while I was abroad on holiday with my friends. Although I’ve made peace with it a year and a half later, I am not willing to disclose my identity as I do believe there remains substantial stigma around the topic. To be honest, I am afraid of both men and women who read this viewing me as “dirty”, “sexually promiscuous” or even “weak” for having undergone such a shit experience.
On a night out abroad, myself and two other girlfriends were invited into the VIP area of a nightclub where there was a small group of men enjoying bottle service. Ever the chancers, we quickly agreed and were ushered in and handed a drink.
Around 20 minutes later, my two friends went out for a cigarette and l remained inside. After a few moments I began to feel very odd and attempted to get up to find my friends but my legs went from under me and I felt the two men on either side of me pull me back into the booth where I’d been sitting. After that, my memory goes black. My girlfriends came looking for me five minutes later, but I had been removed from the club and security informed my friends that they hadn’t seen me leave.
I regained consciousness halfway through being raped by a repulsive 40 to 50 year-old man. Unfortunately, whatever concoction of drugs they had put in my drink left me completely unable to move my limbs and voiceless when I attempted to scream. All I could do was scream internally at myself to stay awake and try and remember his face until he finally left me.
Thanks to Trinity’s Student Counselling Service and the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre I have worked through the experience.
For the sake of brevity, I will spare the rest of the details, but one important thing I want to touch on is that the next morning the first thing I did was get in the shower in a desperate attempt to wash away what had happened. Now I’m a smart girl who enjoys the odd CSI Miami. I know that logically the first thing one is supposed to do is drive straight to the hospital and get swabbed for DNA but is that what I did? God no. I got straight in that shower and washed myself profusely and cried hysterically.
The purpose of this piece wasn’t to indulge my own personal pity party, but there are a few key things I’d like the reader to take away.
Sexual assault is more common than you would think. I won’t bother listing statistics because quite frankly a significant portion of assault instances aren’t correctly reported. The bottom line is: you don’t know what those around you, even your closest friends, may have experienced. I know several of my close friends would be shocked if they knew this was me. Anybody who has been assaulted is likely having a tough day today, in light of the polarised discussions on the topic, so be considerate and don’t railroad your friends into discussing the details of the case.
Another thing to remember is that strong independent women can get raped. This takeaway has a personal undertone obviously, but I’d like to remind everybody to reconsider the light in which they view women who have been sexually assaulted. We are not “dirty” or “in bad shape down there” or really any different from women who have not experienced sexual assault. If anything, survivors are the very image of strength for bouncing back from such a violation, so no one should be calling them weak. Have I been raped? Yes. Am I still a strong female who can be confident in her sensuality and deserves to enjoy sex? Hell yes.
If anything is evident from the outcome of this case, it’s clear that without technical evidence, rape becomes very hard to prove. Dear readers, if any of you should ever find yourself in the position where you get a Facebook message from a friend concerned about whether something was consensual I’d urge you not to take the easy route to assuage them that “they were probably just drunk” and “it’s so tricky” but rather to be there for them immediately, to have a serious discussion about the incident and urge them not to shower immediately. Perhaps learn about the correct steps to take following assault and, if you can, let your friends know that you are open to being messaged if they need help.
This is not an easy topic to discuss. I have tried to remain objective and delicate but ultimately the sensitive nature of this topic is undoubtedly going to result in some fall out.
If you’ve read thus far I’d simply ask you to be mindful of the fact that today might be a tough day for people.
Editor’s Note: The publication of articles written by anonymous authors is generally forbidden at The University Times. However, the Editor may, in certain cases, make an exception if the publication of such an article is of great public interest and there is a significant risk that the writer may experience great harm as a result of their name being associated with the article in question.
If you have been affected by, or would like to discuss issues concerning sexual assault or non-consensual behaviour, you can contact the Welfare Officer of Trinity College Dublin Students’ Union by emailing [email protected]. Emergency appointments with the Student Counselling Service are also available. You can phone Niteline, the student listening service, every night of term from 9pm–2.30am on 1800 793 793, or the Samaritans at any time on 116 123. The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC) can be reached at 1800 778 888. If you want to do something to support survivors text DRCC to 50300 to donate €2.
