Every walk of life has its rivalries. Some are storied, some are legendary and some are plain pointless. You can be the judge of which category the following Trinity rivalries fit into.
Arts Block vs Hamilton
“Wait, so you decipher mathematical theories and I analyse ancient texts?”, said one scholar to another 100 years ago. “Ew, get away from me – you backwards simpleton!” Thus began the most basic rivalry on campus.
It is no mistake that the Arts Block is at one end of campus, and the Hamilton is at the other. Doc Martens and tote bags are a form of social currency around the Arts Block, while in the Hamilton, they will earn you nothing but looks of disdain and contempt (largely because of the aforementioned Arts Block association).
Also, the Hamilton library is steadily busy throughout the year, but BLU is ambushed by panicked Arts students only at certain flash-points during the year, namely, exams, and, oh that’s it.
Arts Block Seagulls vs The Student Population
“Caw.” An unassuming fresher chomping on a Spar chicken fillet roll hears the dreaded seagull before he sees it. It swoops down – its beak pincer-like – and skillfully nabs the roll. Students nearby look on, amused.
Are you running late for your seminar? So what. You have a flock of pigeons to circumvent, and no, they won’t be moving out of the way without a fight.
It’s time we all face it: birds rule this campus, and we’re their obliging subordinates. That seagull sitting outside of the Lecky on a wall overlooking the Arts Block benches? That’s their queen. Overseeing campus destruction, the daily unnerving of students, oh and that questionable white stain on the bottom floor of the Hamilton.
Trinity Education Project vs Your Sanity
“The leaving certificate will be the worst set of exams you’ll ever have to sit”, they said. You believed them. Fool. Trinity is not the oasis you thought it was. That all changed last year when the College decided to rejig how all courses are delivered. It called this revamp the Trinity Education Project, or just TEP. Now we have Christmas exams instead of only summer exams, and you would have thought that would mean work would be spread over a longer period, yet, somehow, we seem to have more exams and essays than ever.
Indeed, TEP was strategised based on the inspiring tenets of the “survival of the fittest” theory. Let’s set the scene: it’s the last three weeks of college – what could possibly be stressing you to the point of delirium, stress headaches and potential stomach ulcers? Oh, maybe it’s the three assignments due this week, the twelve modules to unpack and understand by the end of next week, and the subsequent twelve exams the following week! Just a hunch though.
On the bright side, you can now blame everything wrong with your life on TEP, like the rest of us do. Modules clashing on your timetable? TEP. Your TA gave you a 2:2 on the incoherent essay you threw together the night before the deadline? Damn TEP. Got dumped by your freshers’ week girlfriend? Stupid TEP.
Single Honours vs Joint Honours
Hey, Joint Honours students! Fun fact for you all: you are wholly and irreversibly inferior to your Single Honours colleagues! In the unlikely event that the Single Honours students in your course haven’t already made you very much aware, they’re the people who don’t have commitment issues and are so dedicated to their subject that they couldn’t even imagine splitting their concentration between two subjects. How could one fully grasp a subject while tainting their mind with another subject? Impossible.
The Phil vs The Hist
Like with many fierce rivalries, there is almost literally no difference between the College Historical Society (the Hist) and the University Philosophical Society (the Phil). Both of them were set up around the same time (hundreds of years ago, which both are annoyingly pleased about). Both of them host “debates” once a week – an excuse for all their members to dress up and gather in the Graduates Memorial Building. Oh, and they both ensnare freshers every year by telling them that loads of celebrities will be addressing the society (this doesn’t always happen). Yet, inexplicably, they somehow have a rivalry. Riddle me that.
The University Times vs Trinity News
The University Times came into being in 2009. Students were tired of Trinity News, with a paper packed with nonsense like 3,000-word features on “why the Premier League is the best league in the world” and advertisements for bouncy castle companies. They wanted a newspaper that would hold College to account.
Trinity News quickly felt slightly threatened and overwhelmingly inferior to us, to the point that it began copying our news pieces and stealing our ideas! But we at The University Times like to be mature about these things, so it’s not as if we’d go and facilitate some kind of referendum to shut down their entire publication! No, we would never. But we can’t speak for Trinity News, of course.
