As another academic year begins, we are back with this year’s guide to who’s who on campus. We know this list is hotly anticipated and even more hotly discussed, so hold onto your hats as we take you through a who’s who of big names on campus.
Before we begin, we want to state that this list is in no particular order. Everyone on this list has their own unique identity and achievements that helped them earn their spot, and while we may poke fun at what they do, their achievements are well deserved. Any and all joking is done in good faith, and this list is entirely satirical.
That said, our expert team has pulled no punches and will 100 per cent be roasting everyone on this list in some capacity. So, without further ado, we present The Trinity Twenty of Twenty Twenty Two (try saying that three times fast).
Images designed by Ella Smyth
Gabi Fullam
TCDSU President
First we have this year’s president, Gabi Fullam. Gabi is no stranger to this list, having played a major role in the Hist and DU Players, winning awards for her outstanding oration. Having served as the SU’s Ethnic Minorities officer, Gabi is passionate about uplifting marginalised and socially isolated students. Gabi regularly describes herself as ‘angry’ and enjoys publishing words arranged in sentences on Twitter. Fullam was the hallmark of professionalism during the sabbatical elections earlier this year. She is such a loyal supporter of The University Times that she backed the extremely successful ‘Defund UT’ campaign this March.
Ailbhe Noonan
University Times Editor
Next up we have our very own Ailbhe Noonan! But who is this year’s editor? Ailbhe was elected Editor of The University Times in April, following a year in which the paper experienced a massive influx in support across Trinity. The Town Hall event gave students a chance to compliment the paper and its staff. Noonan is our resident arts and culture expert having served on Radius for a number of years.
She is also a third culture kid! Prior to returning to Ireland, she lived in countries such as Egypt with her family who were Irish diplomats. Ailbhe is a devout vegan, loves seagulls and does not wish to devour them.
Shannon Connolly
Trinity News Editor
This year’s Trinity News Editor, Shannon Connolly, has reportedly been open to the idea of engaging in peace talks with The University Times. Shannon is outgoing, dedicated to her craft and is yet to show extreme disdain towards anything we have put out this year! She previously served as Deputy Editor of Trinity News and is experienced in churning out news stories. Shannon’s vape addiction got so severe that, at one point, she was found in the storage room of Brown Thomas inhaling Chanel no.5. With an unpredictable year ahead, let’s hope that Shannon will warm to the idea of becoming a signatory to “The Treaty of House Six”.
László Molnárfi
Students4Change Chairperson
Mr Molnarfi is making waves as the chairperson of a student activist group, Students4Change. This Trinity student is never shy of expressing students’ concerns, even if this involves repeatedly emailing people with unnecessarily verbose points to the point that half of one’s email box is full of messages from him and many of them are almost incomprehensible.
The third-year PPES student can often be seen at the forefront of every protest or demonstration, on and off campus. László is yet to have been seen with his mouth closed and is certainly a student to pay attention to this year!
Mihai Mesteru
Ethnic Minorities Officer
Mihai is unmistakably the face of globalism at Trinity. Having held multiple positions in the Global Room, this fourth year engineering student is off to Tokyo for his last first term of college! Mihai will play an essential role in representing ethnic minorities on campus, and is a name to keep at the back of your mind!
Niko Singband
TCDSU LGBTQ+ Rights Officer
Niko is to be the Student Union LGBTQ+ Rights Officer on campus for the 2022-23 academic year! They’re dedicated to making Trinity a safe place for the queer, gay, lesbian, trans, bi, and non-bianary communities! They are committed to promoting diversity and inclusion across campus and ensuring all groups of students on campus have a voice. All the best to Niko this year!
Jenny Maguire
Gender Equality Officer
Serving as this year’s Gender Equality Officer, Jenny is one of the most well-known names around campus. She is stylish, charismatic and driven to further gender equality in Trinity. Jenny is a third year English student and the Secretary of DU Players. Jenny is here to represent students, promote rights for all and she is the perfect person to be our Gender Equality Officer this year.
Sébastien Dunne Fulmer
Auditor of the Hist
Definitely one of the most influential societies at Trinity, The Hist is always being spoken about, for better or for worse. The society was founded in 1770, and generations of Trinity students have been forced to listen to whatever word the speakers stumbled upon in a thesaurus before their debate be completely misplaced in overly convoluted sentences ever since. This year, Sèbastien Dunne Fulmer will be taking over the position of auditor and hopes to lead the society into a golden age after the chaos of the past two years.
With their tech-savvy skills and speaking experience, they are easily one of the Hist’s strongest champions, having invented the entire digital software behind the college debating circuit. The Hist is in for a great time.
Ellen McKimm
President of the Phil
On top of maintaining a strict moral code, The Phil is renowned for their wonderfully healthy relationship with The University Times. The society rarely becomes embroiled in controversy of any sort and serves as a bastion of inclusion and fairness. Members of The Phil are loyal supporters of The University Times on Twitter and never shy away from showing their undying support for the paper. The Phil hopes to build an even stronger relationship with The University Times this academic year. Ellen McKimm is this year’s President.
Teni Shittu
President of the JCR
Do you enjoy having to pay €250 fines, getting screamed at by wardens and forced to produce a DNA sample every time you wish to enter your extremely expensive room? If the answer is yes, Trinity Hall is the place for you! Despite wielding virtually no power, the Junior Common Room (JCR) will be burnt into your frontal lobe for eternity. Be sure to check out the accommodation’s opulent pond, devoid of any sign of life, save for half-finished cans of Druids and Paul Cotter’s dignity. Teni Shittu is this year’s president of the hugely important JCR!
Shittu has been involved in international events such as the European Youth Parliament core, where she has worked with various individuals in Ireland. Her job as JCR president will be to ensure that other committee members are working effectively and efficiently.
Michelle Tanner
Head of Trinity Sport and Recreation
Trinity is the home to some of the most esteemed sports in the world, such as quidditch and ultimate frisbee. As you know, sport in Trinity fosters cooperation, improves interpersonal skills and definitely does not create a subgroup of entitled individuals who ‘go to Starry B’s for a fleecer’ and tense in photos with their parents at 22 years-of-age. This year’s Head of Trinity Sport and Recreation is Michelle Tanner. Tanner is here to promote these essential facets of student life on campus!
Ruth Brady
Auditor of the Trinity Law Society
As the age-old adage goes: “The devil works hard but Ruth Brady works harder.” Formerly a Room8 Navan brand ambassador and founder of Trinity Porridge Dublin, Ruth is a fourth-year LawPol student and the current auditor of the Law Society. In her free time, she runs pilates classes, talks about Coole Swan, inhales 27 americanos a day and her daily screen time falls short of the previous figure by a mere eight hours. We cannot wait to see which coffee shop she posts on her Instagram story next!
Max Lynch
Trinity Ents Officer
This year’s Ents Officer dons baggy trousers, a slick mullet and a crusty beard with eight grams of Amber Leaf encrusted into his facial forest. But don’t let that fool you! When it comes to organising social events for the college community, Max is up to the task! Irrespective of whether he’s 13 cans of excelsior deep before 11pm, he will still manage to somehow go through four packets of chewing gum and get you to enjoy a techno set for a couple of minutes.
The Academic Registry
The Bane of Every Student’s Existence
We’re just kidding. But really though …
Zöe Cummins
TCDSU Education Officer
Hailing from Wicklow, Zöe Cummins is easily the most approachable of this year’s Union. She is bubbly, soft spoken and committed to the role of Education Officer. As is common knowledge, Trinity is a breeding ground for ideas, with a positive learning environment and it is definitely not a business driven by profit margins. Cummins wishes to ensure that Trinity as we know it stays the same. Zöe is striving to help every student and maintain Trinity’s immutable position as the top-ranked university in Ireland.
Caoimhe Molloy
Oifigeach na Gaeilge
Preserving the Irish language is of major importance in the 21st century. So just how are we doing this at Trinity? Having spent a semester in Paris sipping red wine and taking close ups of the Eiffel Tower, Caoimhe Molloy has now turned her focus towards her one true love: Gaeilge. On top of being a fourth-year LawPol student, mastering the act of pouting and boasting the most vibrant curls on campus, Caoimhe is taking the reins as this year’s Irish language officer!
Gaeilge is an integral part of Irish culture that must be protected at all costs. As an avid Gaeilgeoir with a phenomenal work ethic, Ms Molloy is the perfect candidate to protect the native tongue of the emerald isle in Trinity!
Fun fact: “The Men Behind The Wire” was being blasted on the hospital radio as Caoimhe departed from her mother’s womb.
Laoise Brady
Food and Drinks Society Chair
What university student doesn’t love free food? Need I say more? Laoise Brady is here to promote the food and drink society! Are you broke? Do you need a quick and easy meal? For free, may I add? Well, Laoise Brady of the Food and Drink Society is here to help! Have you heard of the Food and Drink Society before?
The Food and Drink Society speaks about solids that can be eaten and liquids that can be drunk. This society contributes so much to student life that Trinity students are still eating pesto pasta every night.
Luke O’Neill
Professor of Biochemistry and Immunology
Over the course of the pandemic, Luke O’Neill has been the face of COVID-19 research, specifically in relation to immunity. Luckily, he is one of our own!
O’Neill is leading not just Ireland, but the world in the fight to understand viruses and how they affect humanity.
While we may have been so sick of seeing his face on our screens over the pandemic that we would spontaneously combust at any mention of his name, he was instrumental to furthering our understanding of the virus and helped keep us safe.
Roja Fazaeli
Professor of Islamic Civilisations and Trinity Hall Warden
In addition to being a professor in the field of Middle Eastern and Islamic studies, Fazaeli also sits on the board of the Immigrant Council of Ireland, providing unique insight into an often misunderstood community. If you plan on even beginning to think about enjoying yourself in Trinity Hall, you will likely be summoned to Roja’s office. One cannot be sure if Roja was born with a permanent scowl on her face or not.
She has been a voice for women’s rights as well, specifically immigrant women’s rights, having immigrated to Ireland at the age of 12 from Iran. She can often be found glaring at first-years for breathing around the grounds of Trinity Hall.
Alice Payne
Certified SU Hack
Alice Payne knows everything about everyone (despite the fact that you almost certainly do not know who she is) and somehow appears to have worked just about every job on campus from watching over the breakout spaces during Covid-19 to banging her head against a br– I mean, asking immigration offices for updates and help. Payne is also no stranger to the SU, having acted as last year’s Volunteer Coordinator.
Despite her past as an SU Hack, Alice Payne is one of the nicest human beings you could possibly hope to meet on campus. She knows exactly what to do and say to help in a crisis situation, or when you’re just feeling down. Having successfully done enough to leave the barren lands that are the Trinity College Dublin campus, Payne chose to stay on, and you may still find her haunting the Hamilton or around the Arts Block. If you ever need a helping hand or a friendly ear, Alice Payne will be there.
