Michelle O’Connor | Chief Copy Editor
I’m a fresher. Or rather, a re-fresher. I’m going into my fifth year, non-stop, in Trinity. But this time I’m technically considered a fresher again as I’m going to be a postgraduate student. I’ve decided to stay on in Trinity and get an M.Phil in Gender and Women’s Studies, somewhat of a change from my undergraduate in Irish Studies, but nothing drastic. Both my third level courses come under the “interdisciplinary” header, meaning, in theory, they encompass many different disciplines in the School of Histories and Humanities.
I’m sure I’m somewhat naïve in the sense that I’ve this notion in my head that when I go back in a few weeks that everything is going to be different from my final year. I am convinced that all my bad habits will be gone; namely, that I’m not going to leave assignments until the last second. And, that I’m not going to skim the readings for class, but actually read everything. This is what I told myself when I chose an English module in Hilary term of fourth year. Needless to say, I could only answer the bare minimum of questions on the final exam. Don’t even talk to me about the dissertation-writing process.
Financially, it’s the only way for me to get a Masters this year. Emotionally, it’s the only way for me to not lose my mind.
There are good and bad points to be had for continuing my studies in Trinity. Financially, it’s the only way for me to get a Masters this year. Emotionally, it’s the only way for me to not lose my mind; if I was unemployed without any prospects ahead of me, I don’t think I’d cope very well. Grim is not the word. However, continuing in Trinity means that I’m starting with a somewhat ‘meh’ attitude. I somehow think I know exactly how the system works, and that I know exactly how to get by. This is potentially dangerous. I’m also still going to be living at home, and being very, very poor. Developmentally, this is kind of stunting my growth as an individual. Compared to my friends who did more “practical” degrees, like BESS or anything else, really, I feel like a bit of a failure. They have jobs and an actual end career in mind. I’m living at home, barely able to afford a taxi home on a night out, and floundering around not really knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Realistically, I’m running out of time on that one.
I’m getting all these emails from the provost and the academic registry welcoming me to Trinity and I’m reading them like, “I’m already here?” I think I forget that this isn’t just re-entering the same course as previous years, and that not everyone knows Trinity. I also have a sort of nostalgic attitude to Trinity. I remember the old Kopikat system and dreading my card running out of credits on a double-sided photocopying task. I also remember queuing up outside the Exam Hall to register in person. Now, there are fancy new systems in place that are supposedly “better”.
I have to say, I won’t miss the frustration of impending deadlines and non-lending copies of books. The new photocopying system will be irrelevant to me and my fancy new postgrad student card with the ability to take out NON-lending books. That’s right, I’m excited about new library privileges. It really is the little things in life.
The new photocopying system will be irrelevant to me and my fancy new postgrad student card with the ability to take out NON-lending books.
But despite all my expectations, and these are expectations, I honestly have no idea what’s in store. I know my way around the library, and the various labyrinthine corridors in the Arts Block, and which is the best place to have a smoke and which stairway – A, B or C – leads where, but apart from that I’m concocting all sorts of ideas in my head about how sound the lecturers will be. I imagine myself being treated differently as a postgrad. Like when you’re in secondary school and get your new fancy “Senior” jumper after your Junior Cert. I’ll be trusted with books undergrads aren’t allowed take outside the library, so obviously I’m a proper grown up now. Right?
When I was a genuine fresher, I was excited for college. Now I’m apprehensive. I find it hard to imagine starting all over again in a place so familiar to me. Some things will remain the same; I am start part of The University Times, for example. Some of my friends from secondary school are still around, but I will be starting afresh in a new course, with new lecturers, new peers and I’ll be a part of the student body, but also, probably apart from it. My experience in Student Union campaigns showed me that postgrads tend, for the most part, not to get involved in student life. Societies are all chaired by undergraduates and the SU elections are dominated by them, too. I’ll probably have a different outlook on how college works and I will most definitely miss my summer, because this time next year I’ll be in the final stages of my dissertation and wondering what’s next.
