Daniel Scott | Health Science Correspondent
Sweaty palms, a pulsing heart, shaking like mad. We’ve all felt anxious at some point in our lives. But have you ever felt like you have the energy to run a marathon to get out of a situation, your breathing turning to heavy, mechanised ventilation, or convinced you’re going to soil yourself out of every possible orifice, possibly even a combination of all three?
I have. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Some explain it as being like a car with an overly sensitive alarm system that goes off when a gust of wind passes by. Some people who also suffer from this use something similar to pure pulls to make them less prone to panic but it isn’t for everyone. The most banal situation, like sitting in a lecture theatre or throwing shapes in a nightclub, can spiral into a situation where your body’s sympathetic nervous system ignites the “fight/flight” response, where adrenaline dilates your pupils, increases your breathing and heart, and energy stores begin to break down to give you a bank of energy to prepare for a misinterpreted threat which can last up to about ten minutes. I was told I should try CBD for a little while by a friend to see if that would help any but I have yet to try it, you can read a review here on how CBD can help many ailments, physical and mental.
The symptoms began again – it felt like some kind of forcefield, the closer I got to the lecture theatre, the worse I felt.
I was always a bit anxious. Shy and with a history of bullying, a lack of assertiveness made me that little more of an introvert as an adolescent and meeting new people or being in new situations wasn’t the most enjoyable. When I started in TCD, things changed – I had a busy social life and friends made in no time. I felt I had a place, and people really valued me. Following a class night out, I was in a lecture theatre the morning after, sans hangover, and I knew something was awry. The white projector screen became too sensitive for my eyes, the room too hot, my heart palpitated and my stomach tender. I ran to the loo to get sick, but as soon as I left the room I felt better. Walking back, the symptoms began again – it felt like some kind of forcefield that the closer I got to the lecture theatre, the worse I felt. I dismissed it as a migraine that might have been triggered from a lack of sleep or a blow heater on max, so I left early that day, called in sick to work that night and stayed home, feeling perfectly fine.
The next day, I went to go out – the same nauseous feelings returned. I dismissed them as I had felt so normal in the morning. I had to leave a restaurant I was in on several occasions and get air just to catch my breath. Panic attacks wasn’t a term I was all too familiar with, but it clicked as a potential cause following departure seven from my dining companions.
If you know anyone who suffers with panic attacks, much like depression, just knowing someone is there is enough sometimes, and leting them make the decision to “fight or flight” themselves is important
The next week was probably the worst in my life – any situation in public would terrify me for the fear of an attack. I remember distinctly one night not being able to sleep, hyperventilating frantically thinking I would never feel comfortable in the outside world again, feeling I’d be house confined. Talking to friends became an out of body experience, like being trapped in a bubble or underwater – I could hardly string a sentence, let alone hold a conversation without my mind wandering to unadulterated irrational terror. I didn’t have to think of a reason or cause to feel anxious – the feelings just grab you. I took pride in navigating situations like getting the LUAS or queueing in a shop without taking a pause or doing a legger. Because of the location of panic attack number one, lectures became utterly terrifying experiences which involved a lot of deep breathing, zero concentration and doodling just to take my mind off the symptoms – one huge fear was throwing up in front of all these people who I hardly knew, or making a tit out of myself. I was convinced anxiety would get the better of me and I’d have to repeat the year, and even then I wondered would it be the beginning of a cartwheel effect where I couldn’t continue with my studies. I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t want to have to retake the year. I wanted to succeed. So I looked up ways to help me with this. It’s not an uncommon experience to have let me tell you. When I spoke to my friends or family they said it was all normal. Some of them even offered help on what I could do to help with my anxiety. One friend even suggested that I google something like cbd isolate canada to help me find a way to calm myself – a suggestion that I was grateful for.
I opened up to people (family, friends and professionals alike) to explore and express where exactly my fears lied. Books really helped to change my mindset as well – one in particular that’s worth a mention is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It helped to make me realise that there’s a life out there that I want to live, and that playing the victim to myself and the attacks wouldn’t help it improve. If you know anyone who suffers with panic attacks, much like depression, just knowing someone is there is enough sometimes, and leting them make the decision to “fight or flight” themselves is important – there’s nothing worse than running away from a situation to anxiety, and to date, I can only recall three.
My shy self, plagued with low self esteem, began to blossom into a more outgoing, quirky being as I challenged a new day trying to see how far I could go without feeling anxious, letting my personality shine that little bit more through my usually reserved, steely persona
Although it was a lengthy process of what felt like learning to walk again, I gradually returned to a relatively low-anxiety day to day lifestyle. People with anxiety and panic attacks can have different symptoms and they can morph over time and they did for me. I always address feeling fatigued or flu-like with suspicion. My shy self, plagued with low self esteem began to blossom into a more outgoing, quirky being as I challenged a new day trying to see how far I could go without feeling anxious, letting my personality shine that little bit more through my usually reserved, steely persona. I try and say yes to everything. The feeling after handling a situation that you might find uncomfortable is euphoric, as opposed to the guilty feeling of escape. I still suffer with anxiety, but it’s manageable now that I know I felt like I was going to faint walking into a party where I didn’t know many on my own a couple of weeks ago. The night before the first day of Michaelmas last year, I ended up getting sick in the middle of the night from a nightmare before returning back to college last year. What I do appreciate though, is how hundreds of professionals are trying to find ways and methods to help people manage their anxiety. For example, the shen men area in the ear is supposed to help you deal with anxiety when pressed correctly. Who would have thought it?
One of the most powerful things through my quest with mental health issues that I observed is how prevalent anxiety and panic attacks indeed are. I felt so alone initially, but then I began to see how people suffer from anxiety, including my past self. Maybe I didn’t have a sore throat for the month straight before I was supposed to be going on a ski trip in TY which meant I wasn’t fit enough for it, and I could have gone and had a great time. I work part time in a pharmacy, and the amount of young people taking antidepressants and anxiolytics would surprise you. Many who fell ill during end of years and supplementals may have suffered from anxiety, for others I question whether it was some mystery illness. When this does happen, it might be worsened because you feel you’re being put in the spotlight, which isn’t really the case – people are so supportive and the attention you feel is on you during a panic attack is never as much as you estimate, or if so, it passes.
Although I wouldn’t wish a panic attack on my worst enemy, and they were the cause of one of the lowest points in my life, I’m thankful for them and see them as a gift. I wouldn’t have the courage to write this piece if they never occurred.
