Have you recently fallen victim to downloading Tinder just to be disappointed by the options? Or, did you finally decide to give that one person who is below your league a chance just because you want someone to cuddle and bake cookies with? Although this may be concerning, don’t worry, you are not alone. The epidemic of ‘cuffing szn’ has hit us yet again. It’s the season of National Boyfriend Day, Christmas, Valentine’s Day. The season of your grandparents asking, for the fourth year in a row, ‘is there someone special in your life?’. Economic trends highlight the height of ‘cuffing szn’ in these winter months: condom sales sky rocket, dating apps experience the most downloads, and Netflix releases the most romance themed movies. Can this romantic trend be a coincidence? Or is there science behind this urge to couple?
Evolution suggests that the sudden desire to have a hand to hold is not completely in our control. Henry-from-last-December was not a conscious decision you made, it’s just in your DNA. Humans are designed to survive and reproduce. Back in the days of The Flintstones, the winters were harsh and we did not have heating systems, so being physically close to people, sharing body heat, was essential to survival. Thus, this need for physical proximity in colder environments may be one explanation as to why we feel the need for human closeness when it gets cold. Heat is essential to survival, but what about reproduction? There is an observed increase in sexual activity during the cold months because, from an evolutionary standpoint, this time frame will provide the highest chance of survival to potential offspring. If the fetus is conceived in the winter, it will allow the longest amount of time before the next cold winter. However, there is more to the picture.
Let’s talk about hormones. Testosterone, primarily a male sex hormone, oxytocin, a bonding and love hormone, and vasopressin, a long-term bonding and monogamy hormone, are the main hormones in the game of love. All three of these hormones experience seasonal changes, testosterone levels being higher in the winter months, oxytocin levels being lower in the winter months, and vasopressin levels being higher in the winter months. The increases in testosterone in the winter may cause men to have an increased effort in finding a sexual partner; the decrease in oxytocin in the winter increases individuals’ drive for connection and romance in order to increase their levels; and the increase in vasopressin levels impel individuals to search for long-term partners. Moreover, serotonin, a mood regulation hormone, also decreases in response to shorter days and colder weather, influencing people to find connection. Physical touch, hugging and holding hands all lower cortisol levels and increase serotonin and oxytocin in the body, both of which we are lacking in the winter. Additionally, serotonin is produced in the gut, and as our diets transition from summer salads and berry smoothies packed with fiber to cookies, and pumpkin spice lattes, our serotonin levels may take a hit from the lack of proper nutrition – yet another possible explanation to why we seek our serotonin releasing activities, like physical touch.
Alongside physical coldness or warmth, there is also ‘psychological warmth’. This term refers to the embodied cognition effect of how social isolation makes us feel cold, and therefore how relationships are associated with warmth. This phenomenon may be more apparent when we think of the ‘Christmas feeling’ that we all yearn for every year. However, it is true that the winter social calendar encourages pairing. After ghosting all the summer flings, we move into autumn; the time for trial and error. Then, as it gets colder and the days become shorter, it is time to zero in on a target. Ice skating dates, movie nights, and dancing under the mistletoe. By Valentine’s Day, situationships are forced to seal the deal or move on. Next year, the cycle repeats. All the trends on social media, of ‘winter date ideas’ and ‘matching Christmas sweaters,’ are blurring the lines between the Christmas feeling and cuffing season. Undoubtedly, there is a social pressure to find a hand to hold in these times.
Paul C Brunson, relationship expert and author said ‘I do believe that finding and keeping love today is harder than any point in human history’. Cuffing season may have biological standing or may be more of a cultural trend. Whatever the genesis, it is time to put intention into dating if we want to experience romance. Our generation is the most socially isolated and is experiencing a ‘sex recession,’ so a little social pressure to put yourself out there may not be all too bad. If you are struggling to find the confidence to approach your romantic interests, and a pint doesn’t calm your nerves, here are five helpful tips from chairair.com : 1) Smile and Make Eye Contact 2) Start with a Light, Open-Ended Question 3) Be Genuine and Authentic 4) Respect Personal Space and Boundaries 5) Keep the Conversation Light and Fun.
Best of luck, and may the cuffing commence!
