Rory McIlroy has a difficult decision on his plate
Tom Livingston
Contributing Writer
When the world number one golfer, Rory McIlroy got the memo that golf would be included as an Olympic sport at the Rio 2016 Games he undoubtedly chose the ‘shit the bed’ reaction rather than the running around the kitchen naked approach. The ultimate question; will McIlroy choose to represent Great Britain or Ireland?
I’ve had a similar upbringing to Rory McIlroy. We both were born and bred in North Down, but attended rival schools, mine in Belfast (Campbell College), his in Holywood (Sullivan Upper). This school rivalry means that when Rory wins a major he is the pride and joy of North Down, but when he misses a putt he is a Sullivan wanker. When Rory’s birdie putt lips out of the hole, ‘our wee Rors’ turns into Rory Twatelroy.
My support for Rory changes like a chameleon, and so too does my nationality. I believe that being Northern Irish means that I’m both British and Irish. I’m like a Hovis ‘Best of Both’ loaf. When I visit England I’m Northern Irish, but an Irish Northern Irish. When I’m in the Republic of Ireland it is better craic to be Northern Irish, the British Northern Irish. My chameleonic tendencies are not politically informed. I just think being a little bit different gives me a much needed edge of intrigue. I can make this decision and joke about it, but Rory can’t. Sadly for McIlroy, deciding whether to represent Ireland or Great Britain and Northern Ireland at the Olympic Games will be less fun than castrating a wild cat.
No matter what Rory decides, ramifications of political mutterings will deplete his support base. In the Ryder Cup, Ireland and the United Kingdom support the European player together, but once he has to choose his Olympic affiliation, he alienates one side. McIlroy voiced his concern on twitter, saying how he is a proud product of Irish golf but yet how he always felt more British from growing up in Northern Ireland. Maybe this is a good sign of the political progression in Northern Ireland – it shows that today, a public figure can actually pose and ponder this very sensitive question. Maybe even as recently as fifteen years ago, I don’t think Rory would’ve publicised his dilemma, he would have chosen his allegiance privately and tried not to trample on anybody’s toes in the process. In a Good Samaritan-esque manner, despite school rivalry, I intend to help Rory make his decision. Forget the politics. A political evaluation of Rory’s choice would be too conventional, controversial and shit craic.
Craic. That’s team Ireland’s first point. The Irish sense of humour just destroys any polite, witty British humour. With the exclusion of the Scottish, the Irish sense of humour is unlike any other. 1-0 Team Ireland.
Representing Ireland would mean that if Rory were to win a gold medal, it would be more significant than if he became another gold winning British statistic. At the London Olympic Games, BBC’s commentary team seemed to forget that Team Great Britain was actually Team Great Britain and Northern Ireland. I watched rower after rower be introduced as part of Team GB until Coleraine’s Alan Campbell paddled up to the mark. Then something unusual happened. Team GB suddenly found two more letters and became Team GB…. + NI. It was as if some big BBC bastardised mechanical claw swooped down and stole Alan’s medal from around his neck and put it in the ‘not really part of Britain I’m afraid’ pile. 2-0 Team Ireland.
Team Great Britain has ‘crumpety’, horse-polo sophistication on its side as compared to the drunken beardedness of the Irish. Rory McIlroy doesn’t really fit the 007 Daniel Craig image. It wouldn’t be so much ‘From Russia with Love’ but more a ‘From Belfast with Bombs’ look. Rory wouldn’t be the definition of sophistication however he is doing well for himself in the professional tennis player girlfriend department. With Wozniacki on his arm, I think we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and besides, Rory doesn’t seem to have great beard growing ability. Ireland 2-1 Great Britain.
The general social acceptance of being lit 23/7 in Ireland surely should work in Team GB’s favour, but I like to think that one drink is responsible for a good proportion of that culture. Britain doesn’t have one drink that a whole country can unite behind and drink on Six Nation Rugby days. England serves ale warm. Nobody enjoys passing diarrhoea no matter what temperature it is but the fact that it’s warm makes the experience all the worse. Scotland spell Whiskey with no ‘e’ which is just farcical and nobody sensible has ever been to Wales to discover what they drink over there. Ireland is famous for Guinness – black pints conquer all and bind the nation. Ireland 3-1 Great Britain.
Being an Irish gold medal Olympian bears the connotation of being good at events involving horses. Ireland is a very horsey country and the Irish are expected to do well in the show jumping. Rory doesn’t strike me as the horsey type. Horses smell and you can’t eat them. On the other side, being British bears the connotation of being English. People forget about Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Being English isn’t exactly a bad thing. Neither is being a secondary school teacher, yet I don’t really want to be either. If I were Rory, I’d take the umbrella term of Irish and be delighted. Horsey versus English – this round is a tie. Ireland 3-1 Great Britain.
I don’t really want to have to do it but I’m going to have to in the interest of bringing the scores closer together. The Great British pound is marvellous – real money, not ‘Monopoly’ paper. Ireland 3-2 Great Britain.
The Irish language is a bastion of tradition and culture. Rory McIlroy however doesn’t speak Irish. Considering his Sullivan education, it’s a wonder he manages to speak English. Perhaps it would be better he represented Britain for post round speeches. Ireland 3-3 Great Britain.
It would seem that I haven’t really given Rory any help in deciding at all. Considering there is no country called ‘Curly Haired Chipmunk Land’ he’ll have to decide between the two. Well, actually he doesn’t necessarily. In 2012, four athletes had no country affiliation and used the Olympic flag and anthem. Personally, I’d be delighted if I were him that I wasn’t put in a zoo for being a really talented specimen chipmunk, and I’d probably represent myself.
