I couldn’t tell you exactly how the idea for this article started, suffice to say, copious amounts of whiskey and whatever else you can think of were involved and early morning light wasn’t too far off!! Problem with this is that that kind of scenario inevitably led to humorous and harsh rants about anything and everything which I’m now expected to reproduce while sober! (Rob hasn’t given me a budget to get pissed or ANother yet….hopefully if this is shite he may reconsider!). So…while trying to decide what to rant about I thought it better be directed at the young impressionable freshers who are possibly the only people who will be willing to listen to me and not be baying for my blood!
So what of it then? All this Freshers Week nonsense? What to get excited about? What to join? Who to hang out with? Or more in keeping with this column, who NOT to join, who NOT to hang out with? who NOT to listen to, who NOT to respect? Basically I aim to give you one very biased, very angry man’s opinion on everything that is shit about Freshers’s Week and Trinity in general! So who or where are the buzzers if you’ve any intention of surviving your first week without getting dragged down!! Well be prepared to search high and low ‘cos Trinity is full of losers, jock, geeks and pretentious arseholes! Not only that but each group wears it as a badge of honour, proud of their shortcomings and failings as human beings, willing to broadcast them to the world and try make other people as shit as them and what better time for them than Freshers Week! So think long and hard and heed at least some of the advise contained here if you’ve any desire to be as sound and cool as me and come even close to having as good a time as I did in college!!
And as a disclaimer if you don’t agree with any of my points, you are in my opinion instantly not that sound and should probably never try to be……As it is obviously way too hard to insult all the people who deserve insulting in Trinity, especially during Freshers week, all in one column (The Jocks, The SU, anyone involved in societies, Team England, BESS kids, etc etc…..), I have probably unfairly singled out two groups, both of which have got my goat at one time or another during my time there!! But sure there you go, I was never trying to make friends with this!
So first off, The Phil and The Hist. What exactly does it say about you if you become an active member of one of these societies? These people are deluded with a sense of grandeur and self importance. They are the embodiment of the pretentious arsehole that permeates Trinity Life. They will paraphrase Noam Chomsky and Christopher Hitchens as if they themselves were the intelligent souls who came up with the ideas. They are pontificators on everything and experts on nothing. They will gladly sit down with a medical or pharmacy student and extol the virtues/ills of illegal drugs, they will lecture an electrical engineer about computer programming and preach to a history student about when and where Hitler went wrong in WWII. Lads, your big words and upper class, droll accents along with vague facts and opinions lifted from other people, don’t make you more intelligent or educated than other people, they just serve to highlight the fact that you are an arrogant, irritating cock to be avoided at all costs!
Another thing i can’t fathom is that the Sci Fi Society is suddenly one of the biggest in the college! now I’m sure they’re all lovely people but are Sci Fi Socities not for people who go to Star Trek Conventions and sit in on Friday nights reading comics or playing world of Warcraft? Are they not for the kind of people who had 2 friends throughout school and got bullied continuously? They seem to have sought each other out in Trinity and found strength in numbers! Should this not be actively discouraged and these people ridiculed or at least made fun of a little bit? In contrast to the previous group shiteing on about all and sundry, these people are about as articulate as George W when presented with a pretty girl. In fact I often find it hard to tell the girls from the boys around the Sci Fi stand with the melee of long hair and ill fitting clothes. Some are so androgynous looking that I’m fairly sure they have figured out how to self pollinate! How else to explain the exponential rise in their numbers? So unless you want to get spend your weekends at Star Trek conventions and playing computer games, this is another society to be avoided! (Mr. Tallon, you are excluded because of your moaning…..you Fat Baby!!)
So where to then if you just want to have a laugh and not be lambasted by some self righteous prick like me? Normally I’d have nothing but bad things to say about the SU aswell and don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of bad to things to say. I still can’t understand why anyone would want to be an education or welfare officer?? But at least this year there might be some refuge in ENTS. Unlike recent years (as in the last 2 years, obviously the year before that it was awesome!) when it was either run like a one man business or not run at all, this year there is an Ents Officer with a bit of potential…….to lose the run of himself. I won’t go into detail but anyone who has heard any stories from Airbound will know that the man likes his fun and I can only say from experience that it is a great job for someone who likes his fun and is willing to push the boat out to have it! so if you want to get involved in something then Ents is the least worst option, if only to be privy to some of Mick’s antics and tell your friends about them!! Other than that, beware all the arseholes, geeks and losers lurking everywhere, trying to be your friend! It’s a perilous time so try not fall at the first hurdle and be branded for the rest for the rest of your days in college!!
