Dirt birds. Absolute dirt birds. That’s what I said last week when I heard that soccer players in the UK had to be warned that spitting on pitches was being discouraged because it may spread swine flu. If they listened to my granny they’d stop not just because of the viral repercussions but also because it’s a filthy habit. ‘I wish you wouldn’t spit,’ she’d say, ‘it’s disgusting.’ Then again if we listened to her rugby matches would just consist of the national anthems being played and then Ronan O’Gara doing drop goals for half an hour. She’d love that.
One thing GAA always missed out on was the anthems thing. I guessed they’d just play ‘Amhrán na bhFiann’ twice. Let’s be honest here, there’s not a hope in hell of them playing ‘Ireland’s Call’ or ‘that Protestant song’ as it’s generally referred to. Either that or they could play the county anthems. I don’t think the crowds are ready could sit through the 23 verses of ‘Oh Cork’ again. Never mind the Dublin anthem, which reached number 3 for DJ Spiral in 2006.
I remember back in my sporting youth, I played hurling (different from men’s camogie, get it right) and I was pretty great. I remember one time I scored a goal against my coach and I was really proud. His hurl was broken at the top but I still think I did a good job. I was eventually thrown off the team because my Irish wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know my 11 irregular verbs. It was my fault, I see that now.
I still have some residual love for the GAA. Well mainly my home team. GO BALLYBAY!!! My cousins Christopher McGinnity and Stephen McGinnity play for the team, they’re great. At the last match I went to Christopher was number 13, but it wasn’t unlucky! Ha ha ha! They won the match because they had twice as many points. Well done lads, win it for the ‘bay! That was a great day. I got a mars bar and a cup of tea and I was happy out!
I’m retired from sport now but I am still very good at table quizzes. If you want me on your team for a quiz email me at [email protected]. I did a quiz hosted by my old teacher in my local GAA club last month and it was all on things he’d taught me as a child but it appears my brain has decided it doesn’t care what city the River Boyne flows through. It’s not like I’ll wake up beside a river and the only signposting in the area will be a sign that says ‘River Barrow’ and I’ll be like ‘noooooo! If only I knew what this flowed though!’ That’d be a ridiculous circumstance to be in. I guess when I was six you couldn’t be too careful. I think table quizzes should be in the olympics. It’d be like ‘Who wants to be a Millonaire’ multiplied by ‘Mastermind’ plus national anthems. That equals ‘my Granny would like this.’
By the way, the thing I said about county anthems was made up, I didn’t mean to confuse you all!
