Hugo Niklas Kai Lau
Permit me, if you would, to present to you, the beautiful readers of UTOnline, a glamorous and oh-so-familiar set of circumstances: it’s a Monday night, you have Tuesdays free (well, you don’t have a seminar), everyone is off to Alchemy (Classic!), you’ve read on “Overheard in Trinity Hall 2011” that Conor/Niamh Murphy has said you’re ‘lookin’ well’ and life is good; your order from Deveney’s has arrived and nothing can stand in your way.
Yeah!
So, how did you end up in the bathroom of Abrakebabra pressing redial on your ex’s number and texting: “oLease im not even drUNCK im really sd you’re bat eRe okease comr over, do you know I love you??? none is as good as youn I missbyou so much pkrade comr bk to me xXXxxxx”?
Yes, I did wake up this morning with that text in my inbox, and yes, there were others, as well as a string of missed calls, and yes, I did laugh and send her a text saying “lol”, or something to that effect.
But is this something we should be laughing about?
An all too common sight
Now, to some of you, perhaps, this will seem rather farfetched, and hats off to you for not getting drunk since 1973. But seriously, what is it about using your mobile that suddenly becomes so appealing after you have KO’d? Is it the attention? Is it that the buttons feel funny against your fingers because of decreased sensitivity? Is it that your true feelings come out when you are drunk and these are things you have wanted to say all along? Well, many people opt for the latter of these theories (though I personally think the buttons do feel funny), and to these people I offer these words of wisdom: “Drunk kids haven’t the foggiest idea what they are talking about.”
Fact.
But Hugo, in my experience, people’s true emotions come out when they have been drinking as they lose their inhibitions about saying what’s really on their mind.
NON.
• To prove that this theory is nothing but an urban myth, I shall list things that have been done under the influence of alcohol (not by me, of course, that’d just be showing off) for no reason other than that:
• Climbed a telephone box
• Shouted abuse at body builders, insisting that they look like raspberries
• Made out with someone just because she had nothing interesting to say
• Played a game of “Who Can Get Kicked Out Of The Club First”
• Filled a randomer’s camera with pictures of oneself pouting
• Told complete strangers that you love them
• Told best friends that you hate them
• Bought a Coldplay album
• Danced and sang along to songs you’ve never heard before
• Ate a kebab
• Not thought Liam Neeson was a total bad-ass (wait, impossible)
• Decided that the toilet seat was comfier than one’s bed
• Walked barefoot along Temple Bar because one decided those heels actually weren’t practical (well, actually that would be one of the times when one does have a moment of clarity whilst drunk, but just forget that for the sake of my argument… please, be cool about this.)
None (remember what we talked about, be cool) of these actions can be explained by exploring the deep, ‘inner-feelings’ of the individual or whatever, they are just random, drunk, decidedly illogical things to do and drunk dialling, in fairness, may not be the worst thing one could do whilst intoxicated, but, nevertheless, it is seriously annoying and not really all that funny, so, the next time you are about to modestly blame your alter ego for your drunk dialling (-What was with those texts dude? -Sorry, I was drunk), don’t be so nonchalant; be ashamed of yourself, because you have done a bad thing here.
