And all I got was this crummy paint-splattered canvas
When you lost your virginity, it was probably embarrassing. Limbs didn’t move with effortless grace and synchronisation. She didn’t moan or enjoy it half as much as you’d hoped. He laughed at the worst possible moments. Your parents were only meters away watching Downton Abbey in the next room. You were bored, let down, irritated. Worse still, you thought that on the other side of this sexual precipice you’d emerge knowledgeable and mature. You may have believed this was the most unpleasant inaugural sexual experience you could imagine. If you haven’t lost your virginity, call this article perspective, because the above hypothetical situations have just been topped.
When Clayton Pettet, a 19 year-old student from London’s Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design, announced his intention to lose his virginity in front of a live audience as part of his performance art piece “Art School Took My Virginity”, a new standard for the most bizarre first-time story was set. The event is planned to take place on the twenty-fifth of January.
If you haven’t lost your virginity, call this article perspective
Pettet and a male partner will be lightly covered with paint before having sex on a piece of canvas in order to create a lasting artistic tribute to their act. In this controversial way, Pettet hopes to start a discussion about society’s emphasis on the loss of virginity as a milestone in an individual’s life, and more specifically, whether or not this basic act has any true effect on us emotionally as well as physically.
Responses have ranged from the celebratory to the cynical. Some are praising Pettet’s bravery for attempting something so personal in public, with others labelling it a publicity stunt and criticising his blatant desire for media furore. It must be admitted that the ultimate aim for most artists is to be discussed and debated.
as a reflection on virginity, the very nature of the piece itself undermines it
Pettet himself expressed a desire to try something new, something that hadn’t been done yet, though for many his piece blurs the line between “art” and sheer sensationalism. However, as a reflection on virginity, the very nature of the piece itself undermines it. As one Trinity student said, “You can’t capture what it’s like to lose your virginity, something that’s such a private exchange, in a public act.”
Is virginity too sacred to be desensitised like this? Shouldn’t each individual be capable of deciding how much importance is placed on their “first time”?
“A lot of people seem to think that losing your virginity is going to be this magical, euphoric moment that turns you into an adult when really it’s more like ‘Ouch, that hurt a bit.’”
Pettet doesn’t dispute that losing one’s virginity is an important event for many people, but rather the myth that it is a life changing experience, one full of significance and worthy of respect. As Hazel O’Brien, another Trinity student, says: “A lot of people seem to think that losing your virginity is going to be this magical, euphoric moment that turns you into an adult when really it’s more like ‘Ouch, that hurt a bit.’”
Aside from the significance of the loss of virginity, debate has been purposely stirred regarding whether or not a same-sex couple’s first time can be counted as a loss of virginity, the key question being: “Is penetration the defining factor?”
The time is right to regard the emotional above the physical when discussing sex
Trinity student Ali O’Shea points out “A huge proportion of gay men don’t have penetrative sex at all and they’re perfectly happy but still definitely having sex.” Stephen Fry, actor and gay rights activist, has publically stated he has never had anal sex. Now more than ever the time is right to regard the emotional above the physical when discussing sex.
The romantic in me says that the significance of virginity stems from the implication of supreme love between individuals. Inevitably my somewhat quaint notions are fractured by the reality that the majority of people have lost their virginity to people they haven’t loved, which is okay. Sex that is loveless and still gratifying and valid is a pill too hard for some to swallow.
Sex that is loveless and still gratifying and valid is a pill too hard for some to swallow
Pettet himself said that ideally he would want to lose his virginity to someone he is “deeply attracted to, but not in love with”. Though an affront to every romantic fibre in my body, it’s closer to the modern idea of sex as something based on trust and respect rather than selfish gain. In the days of our parents, the mantra often trotted out was “If you loved me you’d sleep with me” forcing both men and women into situations they didn’t want.
Despite being in the age of enhanced equality, it’s difficult to ascertain on which gender the most pressure is placed to “pop their cherry”. Women are traditionally valued on whether they’re virgins or not, caught in a vice between being labelled a prude or a slut with little swing space. Men on the other hand are pressured into sex by peers and society as a rite of passage. Unlike with women, for a guy the emphasis is then on maintaining his roster of conquests. At least for women, there’s a healthy network of other women willing to speak frankly about the pressure of sex and particularly of virginity.
Succeed or fail, if Pettet’s art piece has one outcome, it should be to inspire more open discussion on sexuality. It’s well known that our sexual education in Ireland is dire.
Succeed or fail, if Pettet’s art piece has one outcome, it should be to inspire more open discussion on sexuality
Mystery and guesswork around sex fetishizes something that is essentially a basic act, and creates unhealthy sexual relationships. If the forum is opened on sex and virginity people will doubtless feel less reticent to come forward with struggles or concerns of a sexual nature. Sexuality is an enormous part of our humanity. Why should we feel ashamed to talk about it?
In spite of the media fuss surrounding his piece, it isn’t difficult to understand Pettet’s intentions. As he said about his virginity: “I want to lose it for change.” What may prove harder to comprehend for some is why somebody would wait for that special someone to sleep with for the first time.
As he said about his virginity: “I want to lose it for change.”
At the heart of it, it comes down to wanting to be wanted as you are entirely. For someone to wait for love, and to be ready, means that they are worth something to another person romantically and sexually. As one student said, “There is something very human in being wanted, and if someone wants to have sex with you, you feel wanted, even if only briefly.”
