There are plenty of people worth knowing on Trinity campus; here are twenty examples for all you freshers to get started with. Pay attention, and maybe you yourself will become a BNOC someday.
So without further ado, the University Times presents this year’s twenty Trinity notables. Among them: heroes, possible villains, and jesters. Or a secret and more sinister fourth thing. You decide.
Seán Thim, SU President
Despite what some rogue polling would have had us believe, the rumours of Seán Thim’s defeat were exaggerated last February, and Thim has ushered in yet another PPES Presidency. Thim is the former Chair of the Trinity Social Democrats. This prestigious title meant they were in charge of three whole people!
Did you know they used to commute two hours to campus every day? From Wexford? They’re a commuter from Wexford, no, really, it cannot be overstated. Thim may not be as daring as László or as outspoken as Jenny, but they write a MEAN email!
Harry Johnston, Chair of Trinity BDS
Harry Johnston has mastered the rare talent of looking 14 and 40 at the same time, which is probably why every politically relevant woman over the age of 22 has adopted him. Jenny Maguire beams at him like a proud mammy, Catherine Connolly is in his pocket, and Sinéad Gibney looks ready to stick a framed photo of him on her desk.
The curls don’t help either; it’s giving a choirboy who accidentally wandered into a protest and then somehow ended up running the show. If you’re wondering who keeps Trinity students marching in the streets while you’re at the Pav, it’s probably him. A curly mop bouncing along in front.
Orla Norton, SU Ents Officer
Being the Ents Officer (Party Lord) comes with a reputation. Late nights, thousands of drugs, dance stuff (We don’t really know what happens at parties, sorry). We’re a little intimidated by Orla, because we assume doing parties and stuff must make you super cool.
She’s been pretty nice so far, and she doesn’t freak out when we run away and cower when she bids us a friendly wave. We don’t really know what she does, but we can only assume people enjoy it enough that it requires a full-time sabbatical position.
Hugh Keelan, Cumann na Gaelach Chair
Tá Hugh Ó Caoláin, reachtaire nua an Chumann Gaelaigh, ag geallúint go mbeidh sár-bhliain spóirt ag an Gaeilge i gColáiste na Tríonóide. Idir dian-staidear gramadaí agus smugláil alcóil, beidh spraoi ann do chách. Tá Hugh tagtha i bhfad ón luath-cháil a bhfuair sé gléasta mar Bosco ag an Oireachtas agus is deá-shampla é ar a féidir déanamh tar éis duit an portach a fhágaint. “Up Muineachán!”, mar a deir sé.
Hazel Bybee Mulkeen, Hist Auditor
Peaking in college is bad, but “being so involved in a debating society that you actively campaigned to stay involved by completing a year in an administrative role after fourth year” is probably worse.
It’s different this year, though, because this year’s Hist geriatric is a charismatic, devilishly handsome, questionably lesbian sassenach in need of a proper haircut, who will run debates and invite guests…checks notes) Oh sorry! This is last year’s bio… Or this year’s… It’s pretty hard to tell at this point. But no. Hazel is different; Hazel is a card-carrying former member of DUGES and Q Soc. And as with everything, the sequel is always ruined by DEI.
Liam Corcoran, Phil President
Luke 15:11-The prodigal returns from his life of sin, repentant and ready to bear his punishment, toiling in a rancid pig pen.
Phil 341-Liam Corcoran returns from the clutches of New York City, resolutely accepting his fate as the President of the Oldest Student Society in the World (source?).
Jane Prendergast, Chairperson, Trinity Sport Union
Jane Prendergast is the Chairperson of the Irinity Sports Union, which makes her, among other things, the King of the Pav. While we all know that title has to be pried from the cold, dead hands of Peadar Walsh, we wish Jane well in reaping Pav profits (citation needed) for Trinity sports.
But really, Jane is polite, professional, and accomplished. We at the University Times, with our unblemished record of cordiality, competence, and excellence, can’t help but relate. Indeed, once people realise that the Chairperson of TSU is an actual sabbatical position, she will be unstoppable.
Buster Whaley, SU Education Officer
No, no, Jeffrey Dahmer is in jail, people, this is Buster Whaley, it’s just the glasses (we hope. Also, just so you know, his name IS Buster: not Boomer, not Buddy, not Billy, Buster. His parents named him, knowing that he would one day go on to bust the evil modular billing industrial complex. In his spare time, he also likes to bust the common standard on what a good moustache looks like
Buster is technically the vice-president of the Students’ Union, emphasis on the “vice”; the guy seems addicted to buying flannel shirts. Genuinely, though, Buster is a lovely guy with a heart as big as the printer in his office. Go see him when you fail your exams. Or just to tell him he’s doing a good job. He needs it.
Zoya Kherani, Law Soc Auditor
You thought you’d seen the last of her. She calls you now, not from a volley of emails, but from the top of the Lawsoc regime. Raised in a circus specialised in juggling society positions, the new commander-in-chief of Lawsoc rose to the top from nothing, and by nothing we mean Law Colloquium chair, FLAC Secretary, Lawsoc Librarian and (probably) a billion other positions that Banksy is shaking his head at.
What will she do once the Hotel California known as Trinity comes to an end? UN Security Council? Supreme Court Judge? Postgrad junior class rep? Your guess is as good as ours.
Channing Kehoe, SU Comms Officer
Another year, another theatre kid in the Comms office. It seems the only way to survive a year of sending witty emails and constantly creating Canva posts is having a flair for the dramatic.
Enter Channing Kehoe, whose campaign videos had little to do with campaign information and mostly featured theatre kids doing outdated TikTok trends. So everyone, get ready for another year of 10% off at a cafe no one has heard of and a buy-one-get-one burrito you need to wait two hours for.
Charlie Hastings, UT Editor
Meet Charlie, your new University Times editor. Now his emails may say, “my work hours may be different from yours,” but what he means to say is expect a reply immediately or in the next 3-5 business days. There really is no in between. He hails from South Carolina; try not to mistake it for North Carolina, or he will write a very strongly worded opinion article about you.
While Charlie has lived in Dublin for four years (and counting), you wouldn’t be able to tell, as he looks and sounds like he just got done shredding some gnarly waves at the Outer Banks. So here’s to our editor: he’ll insult our grammar, and still buy the first round after a deadline.
Aoibhínn Clancy, TN Editor
How do we even begin to explain Aoibhínn Clancy? Aoibhínn Clancy is flawless. She has two Fendi purses and a Swords Express annual ticket. I heard her hair is insured for $10,000. I heard she does a Peter Mark commercial– in Waterford
Trinity’s two papers, the University Crimes and Trinity Snooze (as they’re colloquially known), have a long history of squabbles. Whether we can finally work it out on the remix this year remains to be seen. With Aoibhínn’s fiery mane and spirit to match, we can only hope this diva is wishing us good luck, babe.
Aoife Ní Bhriain, AMLCT Oifigeach Na Gaeilge
Aoife has really impressed us so far with her tenure as the first Gaeilge officer that’s actually Irish; hopefully, she will continue to surpass her predecessor solely by actually being from this godforsaken island. While most of us don’t understand anything she says or does, we are all happy she’s there and look forward to another year of saying, “It’s great we have an Irish Officer!”
Child of Prague, Musical Group
Yet another foray into Irish music that somehow Americans have found their way into joining, adding on their incessant electric guitar solos and indie wails. These whippersnappers think they’re Bob Dylan if he split into 5 (6? 7? Nobody can keep track) different versions of himself. That includes the guy who is trying to scare (or maybe, arouse?) people with the clown makeup.
Overall, even though no one knows if someone in the band is somehow related to the Czech capital, or if the band name just came from one too many 50-cent beers out on the town, what’s certain is that these guys can play music. They should give that girl with the fiddle more solo time, however.
Chloe McCarthy, JCR President
We are impressed with the JCR’s ability to insert itself into college life, especially because, for most JCR-ers, the decision to spend another year in Halls results in “stunted-in-first-year”, syndrome. Or psychosis. Take your pick.
This year’s president, Chloe McCarthy, has bravely taken on the various roles of president. We think this mainly entails sending emails no one reads and convincing first years that 8 Euro club entry fees are ‘worth it. And who knows, between the numerous club nights and free pizza, you might actually begin to believe your JCR loves you.
Aimee Cloake, SU Access Officer
Meet Aimee Cloake, this year’s SU Access officer. Don’t be fooled, while she may advocate for equal education with the Trinity Access Programme, this has not stopped her from girlbossing at EY.
But seriously, in her new distinguished role as a Trinity College Dublin Students’ Union Part-Time Officer, we at the University Times hope she will be an accessibility trailblazer. Or perhaps, she will walk the trodden path of her forebearers and make a few committees. Then split those into smaller committees. Then, for good measure, make some more committees.
Max Glennon & Angus Meade, Captains of DU Surf and Snow
Surf and Snow could have been separated in that they are extremely different sports. Yet they are similar in that you won’t be able to afford anything that either society does, not to mention the fact that you are probably not cool enough to join. Angus and Max exemplify these traits through their willingness to travel all over the world but never set foot in North Dublin.
We at the University Times are committed to the truth, however, and it would be a crime not to admit that these lads can definitely throw a party. Please invite us guys, I promise we won’t tell anyone about the orgies…whoops.
Deirdre Leahy, SU Welfare & Equality Officer
Deirdre Leahy has heroically taken on the role of TCDSU/AMLCT Welfare and Equality Officer. She is credentialed, excited, and importantly (for diversity purposes), a Health Sciences student.
Some say previous Welfare and Equality Officers have made them “rather unwell”. But hopefully, Deirdre can rise above (and give the skinny scarves a break). It’s okay, though, winning a contested SU race is still the most impressive thing anyone from Cork has ever done.
Amy Kennedy, Activist
Amy Kennedy loves a circus. No, we don’t mean when she’s embroiled in a media circus, and we aren’t making a joke that the Students’ Union is a circus; she’s literally on the circus committee. Sorry to put you on blast.
But really, you can’t go wRONg with Amy. She may have a lot of iRONs in the fire, but she’s always on the fRONtlines, armed with a guitar and a stRONg sense of justice. Just don’t lead another SU-related Instagram campaign unless you’re sure. Amy did it first, and probably best.
Jenny Maguire, Former SU President & Activist
This is Jenny Maguire’s fourth year on the Trinity 20. What more can we say? queen, slay, pop off, whatever… Just don’t mention schedule 6.3 (d) of the TCDSU/AMLCT constitution around her.
