Despite what some may think, your drink on a night out does say something about you. The following list names some of the most common pub drinks and what it means about the drinker, in no particular order beyond the way I remembered them.
Guinness: The everyman’s drink. An undisputable classic. Also, despite what you will undoubtedly say, you had to pretend to like it in the beginning until it became a nostalgic favorite. Now you say you could drink ten with ease, even when no one asks.
Water: The original drink. The most classic of beverages. Water is always the most classic choice despite what I have said previously, and will say later. Always drink water, and never judge a water drinker.
The Classic Cocktail: These are your Gin & Tonics, your Manhattans and Martinis. You have opted for class. You are most likely pretentious, and are certainly not drinking for a wild night – at least not in the beginning. Yet this option is undeniably full of personality depending on your preference.
The Fruity Cocktail: You wish you were somewhere warmer than Dublin, yet despite the cold, you have decided to have a fabulous night. The decision to get a fruity cocktail is the beginning of a night you will not remember.
Assorted Beers: So you’ve decided you’re not drinking Guinness. This is still perfectly respectable. You wanted a crisper flavor. Maybe you got tired of the bitterness but did not want to emasculate yourself. This is ok. It is still beer.
Cider: You wanted to sip. You wanted a pint, and you are not afraid to admit that cider is simply delicious. At the bottom of your glass, you will always wonder how it evaporated so quickly.
Wine: You wanted to sip, and you wanted to feel elegant. Unlike the classic cocktail drinker, you will adamantly deny that this is a pretentious choice as you swirl your glass in the pub. Perhaps you will say this is delicious for a house wine.
Shots: Do you want to remember the night? When you decide to take a shot, you don’t know the answer to that question. Tequila is undoubtedly the cooler option, but vodka is acceptable if you cannot stomach the former. Either this, or you are a teenager.
There are, of course, some honorable mentions.
Neat Pours or On the Rocks: Why are you reading this?
Carbonated Drinks: You are in a bar, and it is likely not where you want to be. The bubbles make you forget this fact.
Champagne: Congratulations! You are celebrating something, perhaps it’s just being alive.
Alcoholic Seltzers: You are American. Also, this does not happen.
Ribena: Someone told you that certain pubs do this for free. It felt like a divine gift.
If you disagree, you are wrong. If you think it is irresponsible journalism for me to end an article this way, consider that all of the evidence was gathered purely from recollection. There is no integrity to be found here. In vino veritas. In no vino there is also veritas.
