The Stairway to Heaven: Now Twitter-compatible
Gavin Cooney | Staff Writer
This week saw the announcement of a new app entitled “LivesOn”. The app analyses the pattern of your social networking activities throughout your lifetime. Based on those conclusions, it will tweet your thoughts from beyond the grave. Upon that tenuous stream of thought, here are some examples of what a few characters may* be tweeting from the skies in future…
Pope Benedict XVI @pontifex: I regret retiring. Now people have the temerity to tell me that Wham weren’t the greatest band of all time? NoLongerInfallableLAD
Lionel Messi @thegreatest: It’s good to be home.
Cristiano Ronaldo @almostthegreatest: It’s nice to be able to crash at Messi’s place.
Jack Bauer@needlesslyshouting: The youth on Earth have no concept of a full day’s work.
Wayne Rooney @onceablue: As I became older, I came to appreciate elder women for who they were, not just for what they looked like.
Abraham Lincoln @notdanieldaylewis: I end slavery, and the first black president discontinues the coin with my face on it? #underappreciated
Richard III @theking: My kingdom for a horse? Rubbish. I was found in a car – park waiting to hot wire a Porsche.
Brendan Rodgers @ineffectivetikitaka: Liverpool still haven’t won the league? Sorry about that.
Alex Ferguson@theBBCarenotallowedreadthis: Liverpool still haven’t won the league? Sorry about that.
Ross O’ Carroll Kelly @ROCK: Marilyn Monroe is definitely focking checking me out up here.
Marilyn Monroe@birthdaysurprises: Who is that strange man winking at me?
Jose Mourinho @nottheboss: There is some spoofer with long hair and a beard wandering around here claiming to be The Special One.
Eamon De Valera @Dev: Just unfollowed Michael Collins. I regret nothing.
WB Yeats @notivan: This twitter fandango means I can now follow Maud Gonne in more ways than one.
Lance Armstrong @liestrong: Told you it’s not about the bike.
Declan Kidney @irelandmanager2009-2013: Paddy Jackson against Scotland? Lol.
Shergar @ahorseabletotweet: At least I never became a lasagne.
Michael Bay @pointlessexplosions: This place doesn’t look much like heaven. It’s really hot too. I know the Transformers movies weren’t great, but still…
Michael Bay @pointlessexplosions: Is that George Hook over there?
My Bloody Valentine @MBV: We had no idea Oscar Pistorius was such a fan either.
Opm @nobodyreallyknowsus: Sorry to all those who brought a skateboard with them. Turns out that there ain’t many half – pipes here. #brokenpromises
God @theboss: Not encouraging to see #brokenpromises trending up here.
